“Its not my fault you’re not qualified for anything”.
As those words passed my husband’s lips I felt as though he’d taken a knife and stabbed it through my heart. Initially my response was to throw a few choice words his way but within seconds the flood gates opened and I became a blubbering mess.
We had been chatting about the pros and cons of working for a boss versus being in business for yourself. My husband works as an employee, earns very well and enjoys the sense of certainty that goes with earning a set amount of money each month. For me on the other hand, there is lots of “uncertainty” surrounding money. Whilst at times this can feel a little uncomfortable, I know where I’m at is par for the course however my gorgeous hubbie struggles with this at times.
So he raised the subject of me going back to work, to which I responded “I’ll never earn what I know I’m worth” and he replied “Its not my fault you’re not qualified for anything”. The waterworks started and now here we are sitting in the “drop off” zone outside the domestic airport terminal with a very diligent traffic warden signalling us to move on.
“Just get out of the car, you’ve got a plane to catch” I said sobbing.
“Oh no you don’t, we’re driving around the block so we can sort this out”, he replied, “you’ve just flown off the handle at me, I’ve got no idea what I’ve done and I’m not leaving you until we get to the bottom of it”.
I couldn’t believe it! Why did he have to pick NOW to step up instead of retreating into his cave like he normally does!
Although it was one of those moments I’d longed for it made me feel very uncomfortable. Hiding behind the invisible wall I can put up between us seemed like such a good option but I knew it was time to change my habit when faced with a situation such as this and do things differently.
So I took a deep breath and began to share. I told him that as a child growing up it had been drilled into me that I needed to finish school and get the pieces of paper that came with it if I wanted make something of myself. Needless to say I didn’t finish school and didn’t go to university. As a result I’ve often doubted my ability to create the life I’ve always dreamed of even when I’ve had great results.
Now I have to say my reaction really took me by surprise. I’ve had people I don’t know well say things like this before however I’ve brushed it off knowing without a shadow of doubt that it was a load of BS. This time it was different. It came from my husband, someone I love and trust and his words were like salt on an open wound. They stung and I flew off the handle as a result. Truth is it had absolutely NOTHING to do with my husband and everything to do with an old emotional wound that needed a little more love and nuturing in order to heal.
Although being emotionally vulnerable feels uncomfortable, every time I choose this path I learn more about myself, potential conflicts are quickly resolved and the emotional intimacy between my husband and I continues to grow.
You have more knowledge then many people who have pieces of paper with BIG words on them. Stand up and be PROUD you are an inspiration and yes at times we all doubt ourselves, & husbands say the wrong thing, but we know are value is not working for anothers….:)
Ouch, those are some strong words. Having a degree doesn’t prove you are smarter than someone without one. There are lots of ways to become qualified through classes, courses and failing. Learning from your mistakes is a great way to become qualified. If you don’t give up, you will eventually learn the right way to accomplish a goal.
I once gave up an accounting role to pursue another interest and was replaced by a degree qualified lady whom they paid considerably more (I’m only TAFE qualified). After several weeks my ex employer begged me to come back. I asked to be paid what the lady was being paid & they said ‘but you haven’t got the piece of paper’ to which I replied ‘but I can do the job’ and so they agreed without further ado. Your reputation and experience in the marketplace is far more valuable. Over my 20 years in the accounting industry I have gotten most of my work via referrals and since I’ve been referred, the referrers’ word has always been enough and I’ve not been asked for qualifications. Hold your head up high with confidence Lyndsey (as I know you do); you have so much to give, drawn from a wealth of experience and a dedication to learning & growing, and those who know you I’m sure will agree.
As a student and teacher in the University of Life, I am learning and growing every day. I feel so blessed to be learning alongside an amazing man who like me doesn’t always get it right but who is committed to being the best version of himself possible. The universe is being very generous with the amount of homework I’m getting at the moment. Thanks for the opportunity to share the journey with you.
Thank you Lyndsey again for allowing us to learn through your teachings.
I have listened and slowly I have learned and I love this one you have shared……..” You cannot change or control what other people say or do , even if it effects you,- you can only control how you react to it”.
Boy was I slow on that one! However I am blessed to have begun my personal journey, eyes open (finally)……Yes, our lifes influences can work for or against us….It is our choice which way we want to go.
Thank you for being brave Lyndsey….not for changing your life…….but for sharing your life’s journey, and showing us we can be real and we have choice!!
I’m so pleased I wasn’t the only one a little slow to get this wonderul lesson! I think Neale Donald Walsch sums it up beautifully when he says “Go within or go without”.
Hi Lyndsey, thanks for sharing this powerful personal story. Your words have unlocked a small part inside me and now I will look at it more closely and release some more unwanted emotion.
I am very very proud of you, xxxx
Hi Lynsey, I just wanted to let you know that I have a degree in music majoring in flute, and an education degree and I’m not using EITHER! I wish someone told me about direct sales sooner because I will soon be making more money than I would be teaching. I always got the impression growing up that you needed a University degree to make a decent wage and this is simply just not the truth!! Thank you for everything you do. I heard you on the MInd Aware teleseminar series and you’ve helped me become so successful. THANK YOU!