As a mum, wife, friend and business owner emotional overload is a space I used to live in constantly. Over the years I’ve developed strategies that usually prevent me from hitting the wall but if I have periods when I’m not as diligent with my self care its easy to fall back into old habits.
A couple of weeks ago I had a brief reminder of what I used to feel like on a daily basis because I put other people’s needs before my own once too often.
As a result I felt as though I was standing on a pin head with everyone wanting a piece of me. The noise both inside my head and around me was deafening. The woman in the photo…that was me if you ditched the lippie and added some tears and tissues.
My office resembled Flinders Street Station. The kids were in and out consistently asking for things, my hubbie was rumaging through files behind me asking questions every two seconds, phones were ringing, music was playing even the bird was squawking. I felt my family had no respect for me or what I was working to achieve in my business and I was ready to explode.
Sound familiar?
So how did I allow myself to get to the stage where I was literally pullng our hair out?
I made the mistake of allowing my personal boundaries to slip and failed to provide my family with clear guidelines around my work space.
In the past there have even been times when my family has been a great distraction from some of the tougher things I’ve needed to do in business. Dare I say on occasions I’ve even used them as an excuse for incomplete projects and missed deadlines. So its hardly surprising my family are confused. They’re doing the same as they’ve always done and wondering why I’m unhappy with them.
So what’s changed?
The answer is … ME.
Over the past year I’ve held myself accountable to much higher standards than ever before and I’ve had an expectation for my family to notice and change their habits without any guidance from me. As you may have guessed the crystal ball approach didn’t work for me and its not likely to work for you either.
So today…is a new day.
I gathered my family together, shared my business vision, how achieving my goals will positively impact them and how they can help. We discussed what personal boundaries are and the importance of having them. I shared a couple of personal boundaries that are important to me and encouraged them to do the same. It was a wonderful opportunity for everyone to be heard and to gain a better understanding of what’s working for each of us and what isn’t.
As a result we now have personal boundaries in place and an even healthier respect for each other’s personal space.
As old habits can be hard to break I’ve created a sign for my office door that reads “ENTREPRENEUR IN ACTION”. My family are now aware that when my office door is closed and this sign is on the door I’m at work. If they need me urgently they can slip a note under the door. This acts as a subtle reminder and works for ALL the family…even my gorgeous hubbie! If you don’t have an office and you work in an open space in the house perhaps you could buy a pair of brightly coloured ear muffs as a visual cue. I’ve got a set of hot pink ones and I use them as a playful reminder when I’m out in the garden writing. Instead of getting annoyed the kids have a chuckle when they see me and leave me in peace…it works a treat!
Set yourself up to win working from home by defining your personal boundaries and sharing them with your family. Failure to do so will result in you hitting emotional overload, then no one wins!
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Thanks for this advice, Lyndsay. I do feel frustrated when working from home as my family seem to think I’m just filling in my day until they have need of my services! They don’t take me seriously! As you suggest, the one thing I can change is ME, and some of the strategies you’ve listed will provide me with a great starting point. I’m running out to get some brightly coloured ear muffs! Thank you.
Terrific post and so poignant. I have young children and the concept of understanding Mummy is in the office and therefore working is very alien to their little minds. Even my lovey is the same as yours. He has RDO’s and he keeps popping up to see me every 30 mins or so, we never get any time together without the kids, and it would be so much easier to just spend the day with him, but when you have your own business, as I do, with a very big contract, one that will establish me permanently where I am, I had to explain to him my boundaries. He was very good about it. My business is all about communicating effectively, and I had to follow my own counsel, so to have validation from you that I’m not Robinson Crusoe was very good!
I really love your advice and will be putting it into action. I have already added Pink ear muffs on my shopping list.
Lyndsey, thank you for openly sharing with us your dilemma and the very wise way you handled it to creat a great outcome for you and your family. What an inspiration you are by setting the example of sitting down with the family and having a conversation about the things that were frustrating you. And fancy being able to talk to your children about the importance of boundaries. They are truly blest to be learning this lesson so early in life. I totally agree with you that keeping our boundaries in place is a vital part of taking care of ourselves and our energy levels. Certainly helps to keep us resilient.
Hello Lyndsey…..I really enjoyed this post. Working from home myself i can easily relate to all you are saying, at this very moment as I am typing even the dog is trying to get my attention! It is true, working from home people think you are alway’s available. I had a deadline this morning, and had a friend pop in, my mother also called aroundand my son on the phone 2 times along with dropping off my husbands brekky, doing the mail and then working in a friends boutique for a couple of hours to help out – phew! I have to definitely learn to set boundaries! many thanks for your advice…..