So much so, that I’ve gained 10 kilos and gone from a size 12 to a size 14.  Strange thing is I’ve known its been happening but have chosen to do nothing about it.  Being 180cm tall means I am able to cover up alot!  When I kicked my gambling addiction a number of years ago I weighed in at 97 kilos and had absolutely no energy.  Today I’m 82 kilos and although I’ve got lots of energy I can feel it slowly depleting so its time to make some changes!

So what happened you might ask?

Well the truth is 2010 was a HUGE year with lots of growth in my primary relationships…you know the ones with all your nearest and dearest.  I made a committment to share my heart and speak my truth with those I love and it turned out to be scary as hell.  In my moments of fear, trust me there were plenty, sugary foods was my greatest source of comfort.  Whilst I know intellectually that it wasn’t the smartest way to go, it was the best I could do at the time.

So rather than beat myself up over my weight gain, I’ve chosen to love myself and give myself plenty of praise for the work I have done in my relationships.  Although I may be starting 2011 a dress size larger than the year before, my heart is full and my relationships with those I love are deeper and stronger than ever before.  Eating chocolate and lots of sweet treats is now simply an old habit and the good news is that I have the power to change habits that are no longer serving me.

So for the next 12 weeks, I’m committing to eliminate sugary foods from my diet.  I know from personal experience that this is the amount of time it will take for me to develop new eating habits that will stick!

Instead I’ve been consuming lots more fresh fruit and vegetables with a focus on the vegies.

Whats become obvious during the week is that I’ve developed habits of eating sugary foods at very specific times of the day and when doing particular activities.

Sitting down at the end of a busy day, taking time out to relax, watching one of my favourite chick flicks is a great example.  Instead of just watching the movie I make a cuppa, grab something sugary and then watch the movie.    This week I found myself on automatic pilot making my cuppa then heading to the pantry looking for something sweet to go with it.

To break this habit, I decided to make the most of the cool evenings and enjoyed a relaxing bath, filled with bubbles, surrounded by lots of candles and read a chapter of Twilight.

I’ve also identified that when I go to the shops I ALWAYS stop for a cuppa and a little sweat treat, sometimes as soon as I get there.  In fact, when I was Christmas shopping with my eldest daughter recently she actually said “You know what mum, it might be a better idea if you do your shopping and then stop for a cuppa.  That way if it takes longer than you think you’ll still get it done!”

Whose teaching who?  I sometimes wonder!

So this week I decided to change things around a little when it came to doing the shopping.  Instead of putting myself into sensory overload and shopping when all the lovely little coffee shops are open, I did my shopping in the evening so that only the supermarket was open.  My sugar cravings have been VERY STRONG this week so it was important for me to set myself up to win.  I remember when I first kicked my gambling habits years ago, I would never have dreamed of going into a casino as the temptation would have been too much.  So I decided to apply the same principal and remove temptation for at least a couple of weeks.  Not only did I refrain from eating sugary foods, I saved money too!

So at the end of week one…I’ve had a win!   Although physically I’m a little headachy, emotionally I’m feeling very proud of myself.

Bring on week two!

Food for thought:  Although everyone has 24 hours in a day, few people have the energy they truly want,  so they can make the most of it…Lyndsey Baigent.

Its been a few months since I’ve made an entry in my blog.  Whilst I could make every excuse under the sun, the truth is I’ve allowed the busyness of life to distract me from my fear of putting pen to paper.

So here goes…

Over the past month, I’ve taken some time to get clear on what is important to me and where I want to invest my time and energy in 2011.

When it comes to business…
Supporting Direct Sellers to achieve success in their businesses is something I am passionate about and will continue to do because I love it and if the feedback I receive is anything to go by…I’m good at it too!

On a personal level…
I’ve also been saying for some time that I want to write a book and launch a programme designed to support gamblers and their families to experience life after gambling.  Whilst I keep saying that both of these projects are really important to me and both have been started, I haven’t followed through on either of them.

Whilst I’ve made lack of time the excuse…the truth is – I’ve allowed my fear of not being enough hold me back.

So as I prepared to farewell 2010, I made a committment to myself that I will choose love over fear in 2011 and take action on both of these projects.  As I write these words my mouth feels dry, my  eyes are beginning to well up with tears and Doris, my voice of doubt/fear,  is having a field day.  Whilst it feels pretty damn uncomfortable right at this moment, I know that by choosing to gently reassure myself that I am more than enough, my fear will disappear.

It is my belief that I have experienced what I have in my life for a reason that is bigger than just me.  Every month in the Brisbane region alone, people put between $30,000,000 and $35,000,000 through the pokies.  If you are wondering whether I’ve made a typo in the amount of 000′s you see there unfortunatley not.  Whilst many of these people gamble responsiblity, a large proportion of this revenue is generated by people in our community known as “problem gamblers” with devastating effects on their families.  Until 2003, I was one of these people and now its my chance to share what I’ve learned and make a difference for those who are still consumed by their addiction.

So what’s important to you in 2011?

I’d love to know what you are committed to achieving and if you like me are going to choose LOVE over FEAR.

Food for Thought:  There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom…Anai Nin

When my husband and I made the decision to have children we thought we were prepared.  Didn’t take me too long to realise I had no idea what I was getting myself into.   Whilst books and seminars prepared me intellectually, it wasn’t until my first child was born and I was actually taking care of her that I began to ”feel” what it’s like to be a mum.    

I was felt this huge responsbility for another life and I had absolutely no idea what to do.   Whilst on the surface everything appeared to be okay, my daughter’s consistent crying told me otherwise.  As I struggled to feed her Doctor’s reassured me everything was normal and I was being a “paranoid mother”.  

Then just before Chloe’s first birthday we moved to Mt Isa where I had the good fortune to meet a beautiful paediatrician who listened to my concerns.  Deciding “paranoid motherhood” was not the issue she sent Chloe and I to Brisbane for tests.  I’ll never forget the day I was told Chloe had cerebral palsy and that I needed to take her to the “Spastic Centre” .  I felt as though someone had literally sucked the breath out of me.  She was 12 months old and as I looked into her gorgeous blue eyes tears streamed down my face.    How could I be expected to take my beautiful girl to a place that sounded so ugly.  The emotional pain I felt in that moment was more intense than any physical pain I had ever experienced.

I remember thinking they didn’t tell me about this in the books!! 

As the years went by we decided to have another child.  Whilst I felt confident and relaxed, my poor hubbie spent 9 months on tender hooks terrified something may go wrong.  Fortunately when the big day came and Emma decided to make her grand entry into the world, everything went off without a hitch.   We were ecstatic! 

Then one morning, just before her 4th birthday,  Emma woke up with her left knee the size of a grapefruit.   She got out of bed and I watched on helplessly as she struggled to walk, tears streaming down her face as the pain shot through her leg.  I whisked her off to the doctor and after a series of tests we were told she had Juvenille Rheumatoid Arthritis.    The next few months were an emotional rollercoaster ride for us all as we waited to see if any other joints became affected.  Fortunately for Emma it remained contained within her knee and following 12 months of treatment the disease went into remission and has remained there ever since.  We were advised that  puberty may be a time when the disease may reactivate but so far so good. 

Whilst it was tough to once again feel unable to remove my children’s pain it was such a joy seeing the effect this event had on their relationship with each other.    They say everything happens for a reason and its as though the universe wanted to gift Emma the opportunity to experience life from a different perspective.

As Emma went into the operating theatre for her final treatment Chloe looked up and said “I’m so pleased they can fix this for you Em, I hope they can do the same for me too one day”.  She gave her Emma a hug and a kiss as she waved her off then when I returned from theatre she said “do you ever think they’ll be able to fix me mum”.     Talk about heart wrenching!

As mothers, its tough enough watching our children suffer when we are able to do something about it but when you feel powerless to do anything, the pain is beyond anything I’ve ever experienced.  

So I’d like to share a video that was filmed of me while I was attending a Tony Robbins event on the Gold Coast in April 2006.    By watching the video you’ll learn how to embrace pain as part of life and use it to drive you forward.   Whether you are experiencing pain associated with your children or pain in your intimate relationship I’m sure you will be able to relate to this film and gain benefit from watching it. 

When you click on the link below you’ll see a trailer for the film that goes for 2 minutes.  If it sparks an interest for you enter your email details on the right hand side to receive a link that will allow you to see  the full 70 minute film. 

I share this with you to offer hope and inspiration that no matter how bad things may seem you can always find a way to turn things around if you are committed.   

http://www.robbinsmadanestraining.com/lindseyviewtr.html

Lots of Love
Lyndsey x

A couple of weeks ago I had a brief reminder of what I used to feel like on a daily basis because I put other people’s needs before my own once too often. 

As a result I felt as though I was standing on a pin head with everyone wanting a piece of me.  The noise both inside my head and around me was deafening.  The woman in the photo…that was me if you ditched the lippie and added some tears and tissues.

My office resembled Flinders Street Station.  The kids were in and out consistently asking for things, my hubbie was rumaging through files behind me asking questions every two seconds, phones were ringing, music was playing even the bird was squawking.  I felt my family had no respect for me or what I was working to achieve in my business and I was ready to explode.   

Sound familiar?

So how did I allow myself to get to the stage where I was literally pullng our hair out?

I made the mistake of allowing my personal boundaries to slip and failed to provide my family with clear guidelines around my work space.

In the past there have even been times when my family has been a great distraction from some of the tougher things I’ve needed to do in business.  Dare I say on occasions I’ve even used them as an excuse for incomplete projects and missed deadlines.   So its hardly surprising my family are confused.  They’re doing the same as they’ve always done and wondering why I’m unhappy with them.

So what’s changed?

The answer is … ME.

Over the past year I’ve held myself accountable to much higher standards than ever before and I’ve had an expectation for my family to notice and change their habits without any guidance from me.   As you may have guessed the crystal ball approach didn’t work for me and its not likely to work for you either.

So today…is a new day.

I gathered my family together, shared my business vision, how achieving my goals will positively impact them and how they can help.   We discussed what personal boundaries are and the importance of having them.   I shared a couple of personal boundaries that are important to me and encouraged them to do the same.  It was a wonderful opportunity for everyone to be heard and to gain a better understanding of what’s working for each of us and what isn’t.  

As a result we now have personal boundaries in place and an even healthier respect for each other’s personal space.    

As old habits can be hard to break I’ve created a sign for my office door that reads “ENTREPRENEUR IN ACTION”.   My family are now aware that when my office door is closed and this sign is on the door I’m at work.  If they need me urgently they can slip a note under the door.  This acts as a subtle reminder and works for ALL the family…even my gorgeous hubbie!     If you don’t have an office and you work in an open space in the house perhaps you could buy a pair of brightly coloured ear muffs as a visual cue.  I’ve got a set of hot pink ones and I use them as a playful reminder when I’m out in the garden writing.  Instead of getting annoyed the kids have a chuckle when they see me and leave me in peace…it works a treat!

Set yourself up to win working from home by defining your personal boundaries and sharing them with your family.  Failure to do so will result in you hitting emotional overload, then no one wins!

As those words passed my husband’s lips I felt as though he’d taken a knife and stabbed it through my heart.  Initially my response was to throw a few choice words his way but within seconds the flood gates opened and I became a blubbering mess.  

We had been chatting about the pros and cons of working for a boss versus being in business for yourself.    My husband works as an employee, earns very well and enjoys the sense of certainty that goes with earning a set amount of money each month.  For me on the other hand, there is lots of “uncertainty” surrounding money.  Whilst at times this can feel  a little uncomfortable, I know where I’m at is par for the course however my gorgeous hubbie struggles with this at times.

So he raised the subject of me going back to work, to which I responded “I’ll never earn what I know I’m worth” and he replied “Its not my fault you’re not qualified for anything”.    The waterworks started and now here we are sitting in the “drop off” zone outside the domestic airport terminal with a very diligent traffic warden signalling us to move on.

“Just get out of the car, you’ve got a plane to catch” I said sobbing.

“Oh no you don’t, we’re driving around the block so we can sort this out”, he replied, “you’ve just flown off the handle at me, I’ve got no idea what I’ve done and I’m not leaving you until we get to the bottom of it”.

I couldn’t believe it!  Why did he have to pick NOW to step up instead of retreating into his cave like he normally does!    

Although it was one of those moments I’d longed for it made me feel very uncomfortable.  Hiding behind the invisible wall I can put up between us seemed like such a good option but I knew it was time to change my habit when faced with a situation such as this and do things differently.   

So I took a deep breath and began to share.  I told him that as a child growing up it had been drilled into me that I needed to finish school and get the pieces of paper that came with it if I wanted make something of myself.  Needless to say I didn’t finish school and didn’t go to university.  As a result  I’ve often doubted my ability to create the life I’ve always dreamed of even when I’ve had great results. 

Now I have to say my reaction really took me by surprise.  I’ve had people I don’t know well say things like this before however I’ve brushed it off knowing without a shadow of doubt that it was a load of BS.   This time it was different.  It came from my husband, someone I love and trust and his words were like salt on an open wound.  They stung and I flew off the handle as a result.  Truth is it had absolutely NOTHING to do with my husband and everything to do with an old emotional wound that needed a little more love and nuturing in order to heal.

Although being emotionally vulnerable feels uncomfortable, every time I choose this path I learn more about myself, potential conflicts are quickly resolved and the emotional intimacy between my husband and I continues to grow.