When my husband and I made the decision to have children we thought we were prepared. Didn’t take me too long to realise I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Whilst books and seminars prepared me intellectually, it wasn’t until my first child was born and I was actually taking care of her that I began to ”feel” what it’s like to be a mum.
I was felt this huge responsbility for another life and I had absolutely no idea what to do. Whilst on the surface everything appeared to be okay, my daughter’s consistent crying told me otherwise. As I struggled to feed her Doctor’s reassured me everything was normal and I was being a “paranoid mother”.
Then just before Chloe’s first birthday we moved to Mt Isa where I had the good fortune to meet a beautiful paediatrician who listened to my concerns. Deciding “paranoid motherhood” was not the issue she sent Chloe and I to Brisbane for tests. I’ll never forget the day I was told Chloe had cerebral palsy and that I needed to take her to the “Spastic Centre” . I felt as though someone had literally sucked the breath out of me. She was 12 months old and as I looked into her gorgeous blue eyes tears streamed down my face. How could I be expected to take my beautiful girl to a place that sounded so ugly. The emotional pain I felt in that moment was more intense than any physical pain I had ever experienced.
I remember thinking they didn’t tell me about this in the books!!
As the years went by we decided to have another child. Whilst I felt confident and relaxed, my poor hubbie spent 9 months on tender hooks terrified something may go wrong. Fortunately when the big day came and Emma decided to make her grand entry into the world, everything went off without a hitch. We were ecstatic!
Then one morning, just before her 4th birthday, Emma woke up with her left knee the size of a grapefruit. She got out of bed and I watched on helplessly as she struggled to walk, tears streaming down her face as the pain shot through her leg. I whisked her off to the doctor and after a series of tests we were told she had Juvenille Rheumatoid Arthritis. The next few months were an emotional rollercoaster ride for us all as we waited to see if any other joints became affected. Fortunately for Emma it remained contained within her knee and following 12 months of treatment the disease went into remission and has remained there ever since. We were advised that puberty may be a time when the disease may reactivate but so far so good.
Whilst it was tough to once again feel unable to remove my children’s pain it was such a joy seeing the effect this event had on their relationship with each other. They say everything happens for a reason and its as though the universe wanted to gift Emma the opportunity to experience life from a different perspective.
As Emma went into the operating theatre for her final treatment Chloe looked up and said “I’m so pleased they can fix this for you Em, I hope they can do the same for me too one day”. She gave her Emma a hug and a kiss as she waved her off then when I returned from theatre she said “do you ever think they’ll be able to fix me mum”. Talk about heart wrenching!
As mothers, its tough enough watching our children suffer when we are able to do something about it but when you feel powerless to do anything, the pain is beyond anything I’ve ever experienced.
So I’d like to share a video that was filmed of me while I was attending a Tony Robbins event on the Gold Coast in April 2006. By watching the video you’ll learn how to embrace pain as part of life and use it to drive you forward. Whether you are experiencing pain associated with your children or pain in your intimate relationship I’m sure you will be able to relate to this film and gain benefit from watching it.
When you click on the link below you’ll see a trailer for the film that goes for 2 minutes. If it sparks an interest for you enter your email details on the right hand side to receive a link that will allow you to see the full 70 minute film.
I share this with you to offer hope and inspiration that no matter how bad things may seem you can always find a way to turn things around if you are committed.
http://www.robbinsmadanestraining.com/lindseyviewtr.html
Lots of Love
Lyndsey x
Hi Lyndsey, Thank you for sharing this very raw and personal journey you had and your subsequent rise to joy. In the video with Anthony Robbins I could see the terrible pain in your eyes and I could feel your pain too. I don’t think I’ve cried this much for such a long time. I’ve been through some challenges in my life also and like you I have a wonderful and caring husband. Sometimes I wonder why my husband stuck by me all this time (we’ve been married nearly 20 years). But he has and we have worked through things step by step and the bottom line is that we truly love each other. I think you are an inspiration and a beautiful soul and I can also see your husband is a beautiful soul too. You were meant to be!
Have a fantastic holiday with your husband and girls and I look forward to seeing you on the 12th.
Love xoxo
Hello Lyndsey
I watched the video of you and Tony Robbins and I cried the whole way through it. What a transformation. Powerful stuff. You are truely an inspiration and role model and I truely believe that if you didn’t go through all of those crappy things you couldn’t make the impact on peoples lives you are BORN TO DO. I learnt so many lessons from watching you, Jason and Tony and it gave me a clearer picture of my relationship. I will follow your blog and enjoy watching you grow into a beautiful light which touches millions of women (yes I did mean millions).
Keep being inspiring and telling Doris to shhhh!
love
Kym
P.S. I will be one of the first to buy your book
Hi Lyndsey,
I am in awe of your transformation and your courage. Not only for going forward but also for sharing this raw state for all to see and learn from.
Perhaps you can blog about how you managed your shift over the two years. I for one would love to learn more.
Much Love to you and your family,
Lil